11.13.2024

sometimes i'll catch myself directing criticisms inward, and accusing myself of being a fuck up, a bad person, a burnout, a lonely whore, and i realize so much of what i'm cursing is a deflection away from unmedicated ADHD symptoms. even still i sometimes pretend ADHD isn't deeply impactful in how i'm able to make calculated, aware, and healthy choices for myself. i blame everything else and judge and moralize, because i've so convincingly erased my ADHD from my experience of self. i wasn't diagnosed until i was 19, and i've only ever tried medication once. i didn't display the hyperactive symptoms commonly seen in boys, so i went unaccosted. i believe this oversight, rooted in sexism and misogyny, affected when i received my ADHD diagnosis. it feels appropriate that the person who finally suggested i pursue an ADHD diagnosis was a gender therapist.